"These videos [reek] of transphobia!"

This is a blog post I wrote on my Tumblr blog on March 7th, 2013:

This was a comment posted to the video about “What Lesbians Think About Penises” on facebook.

This comment illustrates my frustration with the LGBT community. Everything, and I mean everything, is hyper-scrutinized. If it is not inclusive of every single type of person, it is labeled as -phobic.

I understand that trans and intersex folk are the most marginalized people in the entire acronym of LGBTIQQA. I know that they are almost always left out of the rhetoric of civil rights, bullying or any other LGBT issue. While gays and lesbians are continuing to make huge strides in society, trans people are being left behind. I understand this. I agree that this is most definitely happening.

What I dont understand is, why would someone think a video featuring lesbians talking about penises transphobic?

I could see it maybe being slightly androphobic (fear of men). Even then, the few comments that were negative were only mildly so. 

The context of the video was a group of people discussing something that they hadn’t had a lot of experience with, for the purpose of humor. 

I think sometimes members (or allies) of the LGBT community are so on the defense, that they lose sight of what is actually harmful. We cannot scrutinize and attack everything we might perceive as homophobic, transphobic, or simply non-inclusive.

It hurts our cause. Plain and simple.

Too often we are quick to jump down someones throat in order to defend ourselves and our LGBT friends. That ultimately creates an extremely negative impression of our community.

Why not educate? Why not calmly explain why what someone said was offensive or demeaning to an already marginalized group of people?

Attacking back is such a natural reaction for people who have been under attack for so long. It is understandable for a someone who was subject to bullying and violence for being who they are, to then fight back with the same fervor. 

What I am asking is to take a step back.
Take a step back and consider what is happening in the bigger picture.

Maybe that person calling bisexuals promiscuous or just undecided has never met a person who is legitimately attracted to both genders. 

Maybe that person who just used the wrong pronoun for a trans person doesn’t realize how important that pronoun is. Or, maybe they dont know that the trans person in particular identifies as another gender.

Maybe a bunch of lesbians commenting on penises are only referring to the ones attached to a cis-male body, and the humor that was used was not meant to exclude or demean transgender people.

Look at situations from a different perspective.

Jumping to anger is by no means an efficient way to get a point across.

I know how difficult this can be. There are so many hateful motherf****rs out there that I know we’d all like to just sock in the face. This fact unfortunately primes us to react the same way to every ignorant statement. Lets not assume that every person is hateful, and assume that they are just simply ignorant. 

Ignorance can be cured.
That is not always the case for hate.

Take a deep breath.
Take a step back.

If we are understanding of others they will do the same for us.

We’re going in the right direction. Have faith in that.